Anachronistic Living

On Saturday, *B*, Miss F, and I went to a market fair.  This particular market fair was a pre-revolution, colonial-era market fair that seemed to be half reenactment and half actual market.  I was so excited to go that I literally skipped for joy down the road into the market.  I had never been before, but *B* and I love historical reenactments.  It was everything I ever dreamed of and more. 

Baby fashion doesn't change much, so we put Miss F in her renaissance chemise.  We originally had her in a onesie and tights underneath, but it turns out it was a little warm.  We didn't dress up because we figured it'd be strange to be two hundred years off in the other direction, but now we know that a lot of our clothes (mostly *B*'s clothes) would still work.

The items at the market fair were much less expensive than at the renaissance festival that we attend.  I actually bought a full dress from a shop whose owner was retiring.  They were more than accommodating.  It was the third "sutler" that we visited.  I found an outfit that I loved, but I had no idea what was at the other shops.  So they held it for me, with no expectations or attitude, provided that I would come back by the end of the day to tell them if I wanted it or not.  After we bought my dress, *B* bought me a straw hat to go with it since Evie destroyed my old one when it fell off a hook.  It looks a little matronly, but I'm happy with it.

After we bought my dress, we went through the camp.  A lot of people camp for the four days that the fair runs.  There were no Coleman tents here, they were all white canvas or linen.  In front of some of the tents, there were blankets with items on them.  We quickly realized this was their version of a yard sale!  I'm so thankful that we did realize that, because we got some amazing items.  For Miss F, a little girl's dress that was $2.  Two dollars!

This basket backpack originally ran about $65 at the sutler's tent.  We got it for $12 in fine condition.  I can't wait to use it out and about, especially at the renaissance festival this fall.

The last thing we got was something I had always heard of but never seen - a burning lens.  It's just a small concave lens that focuses sunlight to a point.  Aside from it being fun (and possibly useful) for us, we figured it would be good for Miss F when she's older.

 

Now that we've experienced the market fair, we can't wait until next year.  Fortunately or unfortunately, many of the living history events in our area are Civil War related.  While we love dressing up, war reenactment doesn't suit our needs.  So we're on the lookout for other experiences like this in our area.

Oh the Nostalgia!

When I stopped by my dad's house to pick up my knitting implements last weekend, he convinced me to take a few boxes with me.  I've got tons left there, but slowly it will move over here.  One of the boxes was a load of books.  And in that box was my American Girl collection.  I was never allowed to have a doll (they were $80 at the time, $95-115 now).  But I loved Samantha, probably because she looked most like me.  So what did I do?  I reread the series:
 

 Then I found the craft set.  I loved the cookbook and plan to cook out of it again.  I have two sets of the paper dolls because I was given one before I was given the set.

 Some of the outfits in one set aren't even cut out!

 But the ones that were still fit perfectly.  I even found her hairbow, dog, and tea set in the accessories envelope.

The Samantha set is the most complete that I have.  I have the books and paper dolls of Felicity, Kirsten, and Molly.  I have the books of Addy, but they were published in sets of three rather than one set of six.

Is it bad that at 24 years old, I'm actually considering buying the other sets of books and the cookbooks that go with them?

Random Thoughts

This weekend seems to be dedicated to things I haven't done in a long time. For the first time in maybe a year, *B* and I went to a movie last night. We saw Shrek Forever After in 3D. It was pretty good. I don't know if it was worth the $14.50 a piece (fourteen fifty! That's crazy!), but it was good to get out of the house.

The other surprise for this weekend is having NO PLANS! I haven't had no plans in MONTHS. I can't actually remember the last time I had no plans. I'm so excited :o) Maybe we'll wander down to Ikea, or maybe we'll stay home. Maybe we'll work in the garden, maybe we'll read. I don't know, but I do know that we can do anything.

The Most Perfect Wedding Presents

Since I've been working on wedding plans again, I've come to the point where my checklist says to start creating a registry. Sure, there are things that *B* and I want or need. But my ideal wedding presents can be found on no registry.

I want history.

Ideally, I would like to receive old family recipes and photographs and genealogies from all of my family. I know my maternal line back to 1775 (my great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother). I know my mother's paternal line to my great-great-great grandfather. On my father's side though, I know only to my father's maternal and paternal grandmothers. So, though my family doesn't read this, I'm going to put it out to God and the cosmos that these are the gifts I would most wish to have on my wedding day.

Quality Versus Quantity of Life

A work friend of mine posted a video project she had to do for class. It was called Memories...and Memory. It was the juxtaposition of things we remember forever (e.g. her kids, parents) and things we always forget (e.g. keys, paying bills). I wish I could post it, but it has many of her own, personal family pictures in it. While it was only a few minutes long, it really made me think.

I tend to yearn for a full family life. Looking at the pictures of her kids when they were little (and then remembering that they're barely younger than I am) I realized that maybe we all yearn for the fullness of life that only lasts a few precious years. We live for many years, but the years we look forward to, remember, and miss most are so short.

While I recognize that, in many ways, I am not yet ready for kids, I somehow still feel I am. *B* and I have certain prerequisites for having kids. The biggest is obviously marriage, but other than that, a teacher's certification, and a masters degree, we want to be able to enjoy the time we have together as a couple. How much couple time is enough to build a strong bond and do non-kid activities? Isn't it possible to do things with kids in tow (though it can be a lot of work)?

There's a scene in When Harry Met Sally that follows this line of logic:

Sally: When Joe and I started seeing each other we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married it ruined their relationship, they practically never had sex again. It's true. It's one of those secrets that no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids... actually this my girlfriend who has kids, Alice, and she and Garry never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-fact-ly. She said, they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them. (Pauses) Joe and I use to talk about it and we'd say, we are so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in, we can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice. And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon because I promised I'd take her to the circus, and, we were in the cab playing eye-spy. Eye-spy mailbox, eye-spy lamppost. And she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman with these two little kids and the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders and she said, "I spy a family". And I started to cry. You know I just started crying. And I went home and I said, "The thing is Joe we never fly off to Rome on a moment's notice.
Harry: And the kitchen floor... Sally: Not once, it's this cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.

It's not that *B* and I want totally different things like that. Not in the least. But, like Sally, I'm starting to feel the bedrock of my assumptions shift. I've assumed for a while we'd wait four or five years after getting married to have kids. That way, we could travel and be spontaneous. But we can't afford to travel, and we're not SO spontaneous. A couple of day trips to the beach, yes, but can't you do that with kids? How does one know when they're ready to have kids?

The Can't Sleep Blues

I have been jittery all night and I don't quite know why. Could it be because I ate an inordinate amount of cinnamon rolls tonight? Possibly. All the things I haven't done yet though I have to? Quite probably. A list of my things to be done:

1. Do taxes (in my control and very important)
2. Call bridal shop (in my control)
3. Finish grading student work (in my control)
4. Plan next lesson for all my classes (in my control)
5. Clean the kitchen/dining room (in my control)
6. Make some new clothes (sort of in my control)
7. Reorganize calendar (in my control)
8. Shovel the deck (sort of in my control)
9. Till the garden (not in my control)
10. Plant seeds/plants (not in my control)

But let us not blame the delicious cinnamon rolls and the to-do lists for the moment and focus on something...blissful. As you all are well aware, the snow around here has been ridiculous. While areas where I work are starting to green up again, I live in a valley. The snow isn't going anywhere. I can't really get out into my garden (or even dream of seeing my spring flowers) until that snow melts. Until then, my wishful thinking for the night:

I'm wishing for a mid-spring evening when we can eat outside at our iron table. The sky is blue with a dusting of pink. My daffodils have sprouted out of control and punctuate the beds in the yard. We're having grilled chicken with squished squash and grilled asparagus with a tall glass of iced tea. For dessert, a mixed berry cobbler - homemade of course. I'm wearing my homemade lime green spring dress with a white sweater and (for the first time!) flip-flops. The train whistles low and long in the distance. We turn the radio on quietly as the sky edges into darker and darker shades of pink. As the sun sets for the night, we, too, prepare for sleep.

Where Are You, Springtime?

Today was my first day back to school in nearly two weeks. We had a two hour delay this morning, so I got a little extra prep time. I unfortunately had to walk into class with very little planned. I was so sick the week before the snow that I didn't remember anything I taught and I had no notes for myself. The kids were very good about it though, and we're back on track. A little behind, but progressing in a forward manner.

I have this reoccurring daydream. In this daydream, the snow melts and flowers immediately are in bloom. Yes, I know, fat chance of that. But at this point in this snow "wonderland," I don't know if I'll ever see greenery again. It feels like this snow will never, ever melt. I just keep thinking to myself something between "just keep swimming" and conjuring up the gorgeous daffodils I got for Valentine's day. Soon enough, they'll be in my yard and I'll be happy again.

For your daydreaming pleasure:

http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/internet/dietitian/dh/journal/daffodils.jpg
http://theinnerdoor.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/crocus.jpg
http://decideforyourself.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/spring2.jpg
http://mentaldeviant.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/spring-flowers.jpg

Can't Sleep

I want a family. My family has deserted me. My mom moved an hour away and works odd hours. When we make a date to see each other, she cancels or shows up late after I call her to remind her. My dad is needy and dependent. My brother is rightfully doing his own thing as a 20 year old college kid. My grandparents are petty and sometimes cruel with a side of guilt trip. The rest of my family lives far away.

I used to make up for it by filling that role with my ex's family. That worked fairly well, until we broke up. With *B*'s family, he has nice parents, no grandparents, and semi-distant aunts and uncles. His cousins are not people that I would like to associate with because of problems with drugs, baby drama, and the police. I did love his sister, but she and her husband and almost 1 year old son are in Germany.

I think fairly often about getting married and having children. I tried to go to bed about 45 minutes ago and couldn't sleep. I ended up lying there thinking. The only reason I could think of desperately wanting - no, needing - these things so bad is that I want to have a family in a way that I do not right now. I know, however, that this is no reason to rush things, so I restrain myself. I end up reading tons and tons of blogs about people with families, how to raise children, and live vicariously through it. It's like reading food blogs without a kitchen.

Beyond having a flaky family, I have very few friends. We are friends with three couples, and two of the three live about an hour away. I'm not very close with people at work. Some of it is because I live a substantial distance away. The rest of it is that there is no real way to become friends with them besides staying late Friday nights and going to happy hour. At that point, I'm so exhausted, it's all I can do to drive home.

Even Wicket doesn't like me very much. She'll lay all over *B* with no problems, but if I touch her, she gets up and walks away.

And...I'm whining. Sorry.

My Poor Kids...

I gave a test to my physics kids today. As a "professional learning team", the physics faculty decided that one teacher would make the test for each chapter, essentially rotating the duty. The theory is that all students should be able to complete the same chapter test, no matter who wrote the test. It's not my idea, I just carry out the orders from administration. So anyway, another teacher wrote this test, and I was the first one to give it. It took my poor kids more than 75 minutes to complete it. A lot of people still have to come in to finish it. I will bring cupcakes next class, because they were so good about that atrocity. On top of that, I'm going in super early to make the test better for my other two physics classes.

That being said, I am being won over by the homeschooling argument. The good (control over your child's education) seems to outweigh the bad (less socialization with peers). Is it such a bad thing that a child experiences socialization with a broad age range rather than a very limited one? I think not. I have a bachelors in physics with a minor in math, and I am an avid reader with a knack for writing. On top of that, I will be a certified teacher long before I have kids. I believe I am more than qualified to teach my (future) children. Now all I have to do is convince *B* that it's a good idea.

The only concern I still have is that my children would largely be influenced by my own bias. Not that I am biased any more or less than anyone else, but I would like them to get a full depth and breadth of knowledge. Hopefully, by exposing them to a number of outside stimuli (blogging polls like Mrs. Pear, internet, videos, field trips), they will experience a range of opinions and learning/teaching styles. But I've got a number of years before I have to worry about that one :o)

One thing I'm super excited about is the prospect of *B* going back to school! A local college has a great part-time masters program in his field! Even though it won't be bringing in any more income, it will definitely boost his chances of finding employment. Any prayers would be welcome!

All That I Ponder: Longest Blog Post Ever

Today was the first day of renn fest! I forgot my camera, but I will post pictures before the end of the year. My 7 month old nephew-ish (*B*'s nephew) will be here with *B*'s sister and brother-in-law in a few weeks. I had picked up a "kilt" from the thrift store for a dollar that was really a girl's plaid skirt. But when we went today, I just HAD to go into the kilt shop. And there, I found the most precious little kilt that will last him a few years. So what did I do? I bought it. I'm such a sucker for little kids! As *B* said though, it will be a hand-me-down to our kids in the future, as we plan on going to the renn fest as long as it's around.

As is tradition at renn fest, *B* imbibed some mead (among other things) and enjoyed the experience of a pretty substantial buzz. After his friend left for the night, he started in on me with the philosophical arguments. He was asking the questions: is it better to do for the good of the individual or the good of all? Are fairness and justice intrinsic? Is it responsible to have a large number of kids given that there are a finite number of resources?

One of the things he brought up was my preparedness kick. Is it fair that I stock up on things when other people need things too? (I think it is - I could always give away my stockpile if need be, and I often buy extra food to give to the local food bank.) If I could afford anything, would I buy out entire stocks of things? (Maybe ammo, but only because there's so little of it available at a time. If there was a ton of it in stock, I wouldn't buy the whole thing.)

The only instance I can think of that I bought the lot was yesterday. We had eaten something new that we found in the cabinet - Kashi Fiery Fiesta rice.
It's very yummy pre-cooked rice. I'm definitely adding it to my pack list. At Food Lion, it was on closeout, which saddened me, but that meant I could afford the whole rack of it - four packets. Is it wrong to take a whole bunch if you really liked it and can afford it? Or should I have left some for other people who may or may not have bought it before it was trashed?

I'm still thinking very hard about Family Home Evenings and how to institute it in my life. I do feel that it would be beneficial. I still don't know how I feel about religion. I like some of the LDS principles, but I don't think I could get over the origins of the religion. I like some of the Catholic principles, but they don't talk about personal relationships with God so much. I've heard the quote before "Catholics don't celebrate their faith, they mourn it" (Dogma). I haven't been able to visit many other churches. I've been to a Methodist church once. I've been to a Lutheran church once or twice. The one thing I've really enjoyed was a daily broadcast on local radio that I listened to while taking college classes.

I think part of my struggle is that I practice things that I don't 100% believe are right. I feel like the sooner I get married, the sooner I can feel whole and moral again. Until then, I feel a little like a criminal. I know that if you don't believe in it completely, that you shouldn't do it. But I really don't want to stop. It seems easier just to keep on keeping on. I like living with *B*. I really do. But then again, it just feels...wrong.

There's so much I'd like to know how to do. How do people keep a schedule while being homemakers? I envy the women I read about who get up in the mornings, keep cleaning schedules, and treasure everything they own. When I had off over the summer, I woke up around 10 am, grabbed some breakfast, watched TV, surfed the net, and puttered around during the day with no real end result. I want to be that woman who has a clean, tidy house, who tries new, exciting, and nutritious meals, and who lives a purposeful life. Now that I'm back at work, my life has purpose out the ears, but for those off times and when I have kids (God willing), I want to be a good homekeeper who works with a purpose. Random think I want to know: how do you get old food oil/grease stains out of clothing?!

Family Home Evening

Reading about other people's family home evenings make me yearn for a family of my own. I have a great boyfriend, but the sooner he proposes, the better ;o) I have steady employment, and I am working on having a long-term place to live, but the family aspect still alludes me. It has been a little over a year since my parents separated. While they are much happier being apart, it really destroyed my sense of belonging. Even before they split, they renovated my childhood home and essentially doubled the size, but destroyed the physical attachment I had to the house and many of the memories it held in the process. So as I stop moping and get to my original point - do people have family home evenings if there are only two of you in the family?? Is it possible to call two people a family?

A Glimmer of Hope?

So we went to look at townhouses today. Shock of all shock - we found one we really like IN OUR PRICE RANGE! It's downtown, walking distance from places we like to go. It has a lovely, sloping yard in the back. I'm not going to say much more until we put in an offer. It is, however, within the USDA's district! Woo hoo!

I have been tracking my food without limiting too much what I choose to eat. Because of that, it appears that I'm limiting my food intake. I feel good that I haven't been gorging too much. Now the problem is getting more exercise. We'll see how it goes...

Michelle and I will be having a "girl's day" tomorrow, and I'm taking them out for dinner tomorrow night in honor of her recent birthday. We're getting our nails done, which I'm really excited about. *B*'s mom dropped a pamphlet from a local place that is REALLY cheap. She said it was really nice. We've been missing each other's texts, so there aren't any definite plans, but all will fall into place eventually.

I feel so loved! I never knew I had comments on some of my posts! THANK YOU!!!! I feel so encouraged by everyone. The comments also got me to read some of my posts, which motivate me to pick up things I've been slacking on. Momzoo also reignited my quest to find the article on five year journaling - I FOUND IT!!! It was from simpleliving.net, and it's called Creating a Five Year Vision. WOO HOO!!!

Things I'm Going to Do Tonight and Tomorrow (in no particular order):

• Have one heck of a prayer session with the big guy
• Working on the five year stuff
  
• Put laundry away
• Vacuum bedroom and living room
  
• Send info to the new mortgage guy
• Get nails done
• Go out for dinner
  

Things I'm Thankful For (in no particular order):

• Being off of work
• Having a place to crash
• Having a generous family
• Having a great boyfriend
• Having a reliable car
• Life working out in one way or another
• Finding faith that we'll have our own place one day (hopefully soon!)

Happier Day

Today, I ordered the first of my supplies for my 72-hour kit from the REI outlet. It comes in July 15th, just about when we move into the house. It's really pretty, as shown below, and the biggest I could find.
When I can, I'll be gathering supplies to stock it and my car pack. *B* is really into the idea of self-sufficiency and preparedness, too. We're both very excited to get started.

There is a gorgeous storm outside. The lightning is particularly bright tonight. The power even went out just now. I haven't heard a good summer storm in a long time.

Yesterday, we went to see my mom and her kitten. It really made me nostalgic to be back in the area. I really would love to move back there when I'm more settled in life. I love it because it's open, friendly, and comforting. I miss all the space and the animals. Unfortunately, the main town in the area is really starting to build up, so it will never really be the same when I get back there. But I can always hope.

Mom's kitten, Shadow, when we watched her for a few days.

One Book Finished, Back to Daydreaming

I finished The Shack. It was a fantastic book. I loved it so much that it will probably end up being a re-read.

I want to move into my house so bad. I was looking at Facebook pictures of someone who graduated high school a year before me. She just had her first son. Everyone and everything in those pictures looks so clean and happy. The family looks like everyone gets along so well. I want a life like that. My family can be so dysfunctional.

What I Want:
A place where I can be by myself
A garden
Cleanly painted and decorated rooms
Someone to coo over
To feel clean and light

What I Need:
To remember that I am fortunate
To remember that I love and am loved
To be more grateful for what I have
To remember nothing is ever as it seems

Not Again!

As alluded to earlier, *B* and I are buying a house together. We have talked about how we're going to get engaged when we can afford it. I really don't want to be too anxious and pushy about it. He was the one who brought it up. But we have these times where we talk about it all the time, and times when we don't talk about it at all. One thing we determined was that he'd ask my dad far in advance because a) my dad was looking forward to being asked and b) I didn't anyone to know before I did. Today, he mentioned talking to my dad soon. Now I'm anxious again! I know it's because I want to be engaged to him, not just because I want to be engaged. I had just made it to the point where I wasn't thinking/obsessing over it so much. I want to be at the stage where I've stopped thinking about it and don't expect it. But now I'm starting over again! Ugh, I'm babbling...

Planning for Tomorrow

Tomorrow, if the weather is good, I'm going on a surprise trip to Cunningham Falls or DC. The weather is supposed to be much cooler at the Falls, but there's a chance of rain in both places around 3 pm. I haven't decided which I'm going to do. Either way, it's going to be a fun day.

Today, we opened a joint checking account for the house. Though we talked about it, it seemed like it was no big deal just to go out and make such a big financial commitment. I'm really worn out on the whole house idea. We went to Ikea today, and I had no more energy to dream about what it'll be like. We can't buy furniture now, and won't be able to afford it after we get the house.

Above all, I can't wait until I can have flat, sturdy surfaces on which I can eat and work. For the past two years, I haven't had a kitchen table. For the past month, I have been without a desk. For the next month, I'll be without that and without a real mattress. It will be a test of strength of mind (and to some extent body) as I give up those things that I've taken for granted before. The first things that are going into the house are the bed, the couch, the kitchen table, and the desks. Even if nothing else makes it in the house, I would be happy.

Awww!

I have the cutest cat! Because she's fairly sheltered, she doesn't see a whole lot of bugs. As we've been moving, some flies have gotten in. When she finally saw a fly, she started making mewing/choking sounds. At first I freaked out, thinking she was hurt, but once I saw her jet across the room I understood.


Tonight is the last night in our apartment. There's still sooo much to do. Most of the things left to pack are just normal junk that doesn't fit in anywhere else. But I have the pantry and the bedroom closet totally cleaned out. I'm waking up early to try to pack what I can of the rest of it. At this point, I can't actually imagine us getting into the house. There's so much going on and so much to do before that comes.

It's coming up on the last week of school for me. I go to Florida in a little over a week. I've got one project that is super easy that I'm procrastinating on and one project that scares the crap out of me that I haven't started yet. The first one's due tomorrow, and I'm not worried at all. The second one is due Wednesday, and it's a nightmare.

A mental vacation - in two months, I'll be sitting on my deck, drinking iced tea in my patio furniture. It's dusk, and the fireflies are out. Birds chirp and flit from tree to tree. The air is just beginning to cool from the long, warm day. Candles make it possible to see just as it's getting a little too dark. The radio plays softly in the background, and all is right with the world.

Expectations of a Life Elsewhere

Though there's more than three weeks left before we move into our house, I can't stop dreaming about all the things I want to do there. I want to create a compost pile, grow parsnips, asparagus, and strawberries, sit on the deck and watch the birds. This summer will be full of planting, cooking, and decorating. I'm not sure how everything will come together, but by the new school year, I'll have the garden I've always wanted.

If I had all the time in the world:

I'd plant a garden full of wild flowering plants.
I'd travel all over the planet.
I'd meditate every day.
I'd spend more time near the water.
I'd spend more time with my family.
I'd read more books.
I'd sit and listen to the rain.
I'd make homemade breads.
I'd learn more crafts.