The Effects of Hormones

I've been on hiatus for quite a while now.  Before *B* and I got married, I decided I'd stop taking hormonal contraceptives because I really hated how they made me feel, and I was certain they contributed to my anxiety.  What I was not aware of was that discontinuing the use of the Pill can contribute significantly to depression.

For the last month and a half or so, I've not been myself.  While I haven't really cried all that much, I had serious doubts about myself and my abilities to lead a productive life, very dark thoughts about life in general, and concerns even for my marriage.  I felt like no one liked me.  I couldn't do anything right.  I was wasting my life.  I was old.  I would never make anything out of my life.  I'd never make enough money be able to go anywhere -- ever.  I couldn't feel affection, and I was snapping at people all over the place.  I ended up doing a lot of research on the Pill and found out a lot of withdrawal symptoms and symptoms of simply being on it that really scared me.

*B* was more than gracious, compassionate, and sympathetic to what was going on.  He understood that I was not snapping at him because I was upset with him, it was that I was pushing to the breaking point given everything else that was going on, and more specifically, things I couldn't control.  I track my moods with a website called MoodScope, which I started just before the wedding.  I hit my all time low about two weeks ago.

I think that I'm finally back on an even keel.  My body is back to producing its own hormones and my moods seemed to have evened out and lightened up.  I don't hate my kids at school anymore.  I'm not as paranoid as I was.  I actually look forward to the future now.

It was a really scary time in my life that opened my eyes to how careless I had been with my health when I went on BC at 18, and how lucky I am to have made it out the other side relatively unscathed.