Before my mom got home, I was on my last nerve. Miss F had a very pooey diaper, so I was trying to change her. But no amount of bargaining was making this diaper go well. Miss F was arching her back, stomping her feet, trying to roll over, and driving me nuts. I threatened her (we'll leave before Grammy gets here), begged her (PLEASE just stop moving), and generally griped at her. I got her diaper on, then had to go wash it out. My mom's water pressure is atrocious, so it took me ten minutes to wash it out.
Meanwhile, Miss C is screaming. I kept asking Miss F to give her a pacifier, but she was busy getting into things. When I came out of the bathroom, she was trying to use pliers on my mom's dog. Thankfully, she was just opening and closing the pliers near the dog and did no harm. One kid screaming, one kid getting into trouble, and I was fried. I hated all the yelling and pleading and threatening, and I knew it wasn't working. When my mom came home, everything had *just* calmed down. I was about to lose it. So Grammy, eight days post surgery, and Nana (my grandmother) decided to have Miss F stay the night with them.
Last night, Mr. B and I used the time to get some canning done and it was past Miss F's bedtime by the time I got off of work anyway, so we didn't really notice the difference. This morning, though, was a totally different story. I've had time to think about how our family's been living the last five weeks or so. I know I've been really snarky with Mr. B, even though I know it's not right. To some extent, I feel like he's been too sensitive, and in some ways, I know that my "jokes" are cheap shots for no reason. I have no idea why I've been behaving the way I have, except maybe hormones and stress.
So I've taken this morning with Miss C to really appreciate her this morning and to think about how life has been since her birth. She was wide awake and pretty darn happy. Usually when she's like this, I don't notice because I'm too busy dealing with Miss F or working on housework. This has to change.
So I'm going to try a project. I love projects if you haven't noticed. I need to appreciate my family more and communicate what I need and want more often. Every day, I'm going to make it a point to tell Mr. B that I appreciate something he's doing. He does SO MUCH for us. I'm so lucky to have him. He never complains about being asked to do something - changing a baby, washing dishes or diapers, cleaning, he does it all. We believe that if we both try to give 100%, then we'll end up somewhere 50/50.
I'm also going to spend some one-on-one time with Miss F while working on being present. I need to stop worrying about things I need to do, I won't put her off for the baby (if I can help it), and I'll let her direct the time. I'm sick of nagging her when it doesn't really work anyway.
And I've got to spend some one-on-one time with Miss C aside from midnight nursing sessions. She deserves the time and attention that Miss F got as a baby. Right now, I've been handing her off to Mr. B or putting her in a cradle as soon as she's done eating or being changed. She's waking up and growing now that she's a month old, and I haven't noticed at all until today.
Every day I shape my family, and I don't want to wake up one day with a henpecked husband, a tantrum-throwing and attention seeking toddler, and an ignored baby.