Bad Day in My World

I've been really off lately. You may have noticed. Today, I decided to talk to my community co-moderator (homeroom co-teacher), who happens to be a guidance counselor with a doctorate in psychology. I explained that I've been really depressed and I'm on these anxiety meds. She told me I had to call a doctor right away and to go see a medicating psychologist. She took my class for ten minutes so that I could call them. It's a good thing, because I couldn't hold it together and finally broke into tears in the middle of the science teachers' office. My resource teacher (boss-ish) happened to be looking up my schedule at the time so that he could spontaneously observe my teaching. He was very good about postponing it, especially considering in what condition I was. I ended up leaving a period early and going home.

When I called, the doctor prescribed me Xanax, but I'm not sure if I want to take it. He wasn't my regular doctor. When I called, I talked to a receptionist who put me on with a nurse. They called me back after 3rd period, and whoever was on the phone didn't even know I was on another medication. She told me to just stop taking what I was on and start the other one. Everything I've ever heard said NEVER stop your medication cold. You have to be weaned off. I've got an appointment with a psychologist on next Thursday, so I'm hoping to get it cleared up by then.

I'm starting to use more interesting techniques in my teaching. Aside from today's class, which was not very good, I've been very creative lately. Tomorrow, I'm showing pieces of the Magic School Bus: Plays Ball. In this episode, the kids play baseball on a frictionless field. I think it really illustrates Newton's Law of Inertia. When *B* and I went to the library tonight to pick it up, he got School of Rock. I've never seen it (yes, *gasp*), so he put it on while I was working on my homework. Wouldn't you know it, there's a perfect song for our universal gravitation chapter. I'm glad to be using multiple learning strategies to help my kids out. My Algebra II kids will be making their own videos of skills we've learned so far for a quarter 2 project. I'm very scared about it, but I'm modeling the project off of mistershah.wordpress.com. At least I know who to call if it doesn't work out!

Pumpkins

We carved our pumpkins tonight for our FHE. Once we finished, we cleaned the seeds and roasted them in the oven. Double duty! I'm excited, but nervous, to try them. I've never made my own before.

I've decided to take a break from classes in the spring. I've been going non-stop since January. I'm so worn out and sad. I'm worried that my anxiety meds (which double as depression meds) aren't working as well as they used to. I've found I have a very short emotional capacity. By my third class of the day (aka after 3 hours of teaching), I can barely stand to talk to anyone. I know that I'm sleeping better than when I was off the meds, but I'm not sure about the rest of my problems. Are they job related or neurochemical related? I'm tired of fighting the kids and the parents and the administration. I just got an email from a parent saying they're pulling their kid from my class. He failed my class because he wouldn't listen to a word I say, not necessarily because I'm a bad teacher. Why don't people understand this?

I really love the fall colors on my drive home. A nice quiet car ride through the country is a nice way to wind down before I get home. While I recognize that one of the reasons fall is so nice is that it's fleeting, I don't like the season that succeeds it. There was once an email I received called "Enough." I think it's appropriate, so I've copied it below:

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at a
regional airport. They had announced her departure and standing near the
security gate, they hugged and she said, "I love you. I wish you enough."
She in turn said, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love
is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and she left.
She walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could
see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she
welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it
would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the
reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.
"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I
ask what that means?"
She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other
generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."
She paused for a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, she
smiled even more.
"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a
life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," she continued. Then,
turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from
memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."
She then began to sob and walked away.

So Disheartened

My grades are due tomorrow morning. I was finishing up all of my grading tonight, and I've hit a sad road block. In all of my classes but one, my kids did really well. In my last class, they were awful! The average is about a 68%. I had two kids who decided not to show up to take the last test that they missed for junior retreat. The kids don't seem to be taking the class seriously. They don't come in to see me when they need help, they mess around in class, they bomb tests without a second thought. It seems like a general trend. I don't know if it's just my school, or all kids now a days. But then again, I was always an honors student, so maybe the regulars have been like this for a while. It just seems to me that our society emphasizes a lack of personal responsibility. You forgot to get the digital TV box? We'll change the switch over date. You tank your company? We'll give you lots of money to bail you out. Is it just me, or does anyone else see this degradation of our fundamentals?

Need to Get Out of this Rut

This morning, I got some of my homework back from my teacher, and I did really poorly. She offered the opportunity to redo it, but I was very upset nonetheless. The assignments we've been given have nothing to do with what we're learning in class. The first assignment was to write about a lab we've done in the past. Our second assignment was to send in a form with our previous classes and our GPA. We get graded on how good our GPA was in college! So if you're a changed person, too bad. I decided not to go to Ren Fest today because of the class. On the way home, I got stuck in traffic, not moving for one whole hour. It took me two hours to make a 45 minute drive.

That all being said, I need to learn to be less negative. I'm frustrated by the class, but it's my fault for not being more careful with my assignments. I was annoyed by the traffic, but at least I wasn't the one whose car was obliterated. I've been in a cycle of unhappiness and illness, sloth and gluttony. I've been eating (for the most part) total crap, I feel tired and unmotivated to do anything, I get depressed, I eat more junk, I feel worse, I get more depressed. I'm not sure what is causing which. But I've got to change something. I went to a party tonight because I said I'd be there, but I only stayed two hours, and really didn't have a whole lot of fun.

There are things I need to do to feel less anxious: get my assignments done, finish grading, clean the house. *B* cleaned the kitchen for the most part today, so some of my duties are out of the way. I need to put laundry away, vacuum, mop, and organize. I have three assignments due ASAP because they need to be redone or were supposed to be turned in today. All my grading is at school, so I can't do that this weekend.

Tomorrow is the last day of Ren Fest, so I should go, but I honestly don't feel like it. *B* really wants to go though, so I'll go. I'm to the point where I'm hoping that I get sick so that I can stay home from school. Sad, isn't it?

Any ideas on getting out of this rut I'm in? I'll take all suggestions. I'm dreading the week ahead already, and the weekend isn't even over. How can a girl get some rejuvenation and peace of mind?

Busy Bee

I've been a busy, busy bee. *B* went hunting with his dad for the first time in years, so I had the house to myself for the past few days. The first night, I made spinach pesto with over 2 lbs of spinach. I've never made basil pesto, but I imagine it's similar. I spooned the mixture into ice cube trays, froze them, then put the cubes into a giant ziploc bag. They turned out really well! I wish I would have taken pictures. Here's the recipe, adapted from realsimple.com:

Spinach Pesto
1/2 lb spinach leaves
1/3 cup of parmesan cheese
1/4 cup of walnuts
1/3 cup of olive oil
2 cloves of garlic

Put the garlic and walnuts into the food processor and mince finely. Add cheese and oil and blend. Add the spinach gradually and blend until smooth. That's it!

I promised one of my classes cookies if they earned a class average of 80% or higher. Wouldn't you know it, they pulled an 81.21%. So tonight, I made cookies. I need to make rice krispie treats for the club I moderate, and I need to make pumpkin muffins for my department's annual halloween party. So much food, such a little kitchen! I already made one batch of cookie dough to freeze in ball form so that we can make our own cookies at home, rather than making a whole batch to satiate a cookie craving.

It's the end of the quarter at school, and I'm getting an onslaught of "emergency" emails, late work, and requests for make up tests. It's amazing how motivated kids can be when threatened by their parents at the end of the quarter.

My house has exploded. Not literally, but *B* does the laundry, and I've found 3 baskets in 3 different rooms. Laundry is falling out of it as we (yes, both of us) rummage in a rush every morning. If I had just a little more energy, I could get it all put away, but as it is, I'm pooped. So pooped, in fact, that I'm going to bed.

Night all.

Night Classes Affecting My Day Job

Even though I'm a teacher, and I spend more than 8 hours at school a day, I'm taking two classes this semester. One is on Saturdays, and I liked it before our teacher quit. The new teacher is just no fun. The other started today.

One of the things I've seen a few times in my education classes (different versions) was this video. It's really thought provoking.

This is the first version I saw, and it's my favorite:



This is the updated version. Check it out:


I am just amazed.

It's amazing to think about all of these things that kids know and do that we don't use in our classroom. I was really thrilled when I saw one of the bloggers I read often using her blog as a teaching tool. It's a great post from Mrs. Pear at Home. If I could have kids use facebook, blogs, their cell phones, I would get much more interesting answers.

Ideally, I want to come up with a project for my Algebra II kids where they can choose to create something that illustrates a concept they learned in my class. I would kill for someone to make a viral video. Well, not kill, but I would scream. How can I get my kids to come up with creative projects? My biggest problem - my own ignorance. While I'm by no means technologically inept, I am not a master of photoshop/videography. I'm afraid that if I push them to do something that I don't know how to do, they'll fall flat. I've found this blog, and hopefully I can use that and other teachers' expertise to make a project a reality by the end of the year.

Things I Love

On a dreary, semi-grumpy Monday morning, here are things that I love (beyond the usual):

• The smell of warm cinnamon
• Crisp days
• Pomegranate seeds
  
• My fuzzy blanket
  
• Sunday mornings
• Fire
• Red and orange leaves
• Lambs ears
• Warm, fuzzy socks
• Hot tea in your hands
• An open schedule
• A clean house
• Kitty nuzzles
• Long weekends
• Warm pajamas
  

Whine Fest - Don't Mind Me

I know what you all will say, but I've got to get this out there in the great beyond.

It hit me today that I will probably not be getting engaged this year like I was hoping.

That means we probably won't be married until next year.

:o(

I still have a great life, I've just got to learn to let things go.

That is all.

Long, Long Weekend

My best friend was in from Oklahoma on Friday night. I have not seen her in a little less than two years. We stayed out until all hours of the night, and she came over and slept over. Saturday morning, I had class, so I woke up early and freaked out about not doing my homework. Yes, I know I'm a school teacher and I should know better, but it's a human practice not to do one's homework I think. I woke her up at 7 AM and hustled us out the door by 7:30, homework left to be polished. I grabbed some awful McD's breakfast on the go and shoveled it down my throat as I flew to my class. The roads were wet, and I had a couple of close calls with people slamming on their brakes in front of me. But I made it to school, and ran to the IT building to print off my paper. I thought to my self there aren't that many cars or people here. I checked my syllabus and sure enough, no class that day. What a waste of a Saturday morning with an old friend. I ended up hanging out with my dad though, which was a good thing.

This morning, I had to get up early to go to work. It's our annual open house, and I had to be there for the science department and to promote our environmental club. The officers of our club were to (wo)man the SAVE table while I did my teacher duty. It turned out NHS swooped in and recruited all my officers to give tours instead. So I had a hectic time running around trying to staff my table. While I talked to a number of people about the science department, only SIX people came by our club. And one of them, I will not soon forget. This lady was not nice! She asked me, in a very uncivilized tone, "what do you know about renewable energy?" She incinuated that I had no idea what I was doing, and asked "Will (school) ever hire someone who knows about renewable energy?" It felt to me that she was saying I don't know anything and when will they get someone who will. Never mind the facts that a) the club is student run and I just make sure they don't kill anyone, b) I teach physics, not environmental science, and c) her child looked like a shell shocked zombie because her mother was alienating everyone around. Who treats another human being like that, calling them out for no reason?

On my way home, though, I made up for it by taking pictures of the gorgeous fall day:

I made a homemade chocolate pie for *B* today. He had been looking forward to it for the last week, and I had just never gotten around to it. I think it came out wonderfully:

Mmmmm, pie....

Rough Night Last Night

Yesterday was to be our FHE for the week. I had planned an activity while I was at school - we were going to research and decide on a CSA for the upcoming year.

I think I had my first panic attack instead.

My throat closed up, I was crying, I was choking, and I didn't want to be touched. I had no real reason for this. Sure, I had some stress yesterday (Praxis II test scheduling, running to grocery store after work, *B* being grumpy) but nothing too unusual. At a certain point, everything collapsed into this downward spiral. I ended up sleeping on the couch all night after *B* went to bed. It was really scary.

As for the Praxis II problem, I need to take tests to be certified. I am seeking a dual certification - math and physics. I took two of what I thought should be four tests two years ago. One of them, I found out, my state wouldn't accept because it wasn't THE correct test. Well, crap. So my certification is quickly approaching, and I decided yesterday to schedule the other three tests. I talked to my advisor, and scheduled the three tests ($290!). Not an hour after I scheduled them, she emailed me and said I only needed TWO of the tests. "My bad" she said. Grrr! Now I need to go through this lengthy refund process that I can only HOPE will give me a full refund on that test.

I'm also a little worried that I might be becoming a hoarder. While not in the A&E special kind of way, I can't seem to go to the grocery store without spending more than I usually do. I'm always getting something "on sale" to stock my pantry. Just because it's on sale doesn't mean that I HAVE to get it - even if it's at a good price. Canned veggies for 40 cents a can, yes I should get them. Corn bread mix at 5/$2 - I could probably live without. After all, I already have TWELVE boxes. Maybe I should schedule grocery trips and just not go any other time. I think I could live with that.

I Love Fall

During this long weekend, while dropping a friend off who stayed the weekend, *B* and I went looking for something that would allow us to open up space in our kitchen. We have very few cabinets, and I have quite a few appliances that I use fairly often. So, as always, we went to Ikea and drooled. When I was much younger, I got very upset with my mom for giving away her hutch. I loved that hutch! So I've found something, while not the same, very similar:
In a couple of weeks, we'll be able to afford it, and I'll have a place to store my good glasses up top, and my appliances down bottom. It matches our kitchen theme well, and I'm very excited.

While out, we also stopped by the Asian market again. While there were no pomegranates (*tear*), they did have more apples on sale. This time they were Macintosh rather than Gala. They make a good, but decidedly different applesauce. I only got through a good four pounds or so when I just broke down exhausted on Monday night.

On Monday, I invited both of my parents over for dinner. My dad was not agonizing over the party situation half as much as I was. I'm happy that I can put that behind me now. We had rosemary encrusted pork loin with root vegetables and homemade applesauce. Man, was that good. It was not the world's biggest pork loin, so we had no leftovers, and I'm really craving it again. I have another in the freezer, so that might be dinner sometime soon. I wish I had taken a picture of it.

This recipe, and many others, is going in my cookbook. I've started this cookbook because my mother never remembered the recipes that she cooked, she just added stuff by heart. Of course that's the joy of cooking, but it's hard for someone just starting out! I didn't want to lose any of the family recipes that I had worked hard to acquire. I'm up to 28 pages so far. I need to start taking pictures of the food that I cook whose recipes are in there so that I can make it look a little more professional. I tried taking pictures of my homemade tuna noodle helper a few days ago, but they did not turn out so well. There's just something about the lighting in my kitchen that make it gorgeous in person and not-so-gorgeous on film, err, memory card.

I love this time of year, but it makes me a little bit sad. I'm happy because the weather's just starting to turn, and the leaves are gorgeous colors. But I know that winter is coming, and I hate winter. It's because I'm short. That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense, but my pants often come close to skimming the ground. They don't touch, but they come close. In the winter, inexplicably, my pants always get soaked to about mid-calf for no reason at all. So, not only am I freezing cold, but I'm wet as well. Though I will say, I am always pleasantly overjoyed at those winter days when the sky is a gorgeous, clear blue. I see them as little treats to get me through the winter before the sunny days of spring.

I've been cleaning for days now, but I can't seem to keep on top of the rolling wave of household chores. I'm very interested in cleaning using natural products (baking soda, vinegar, etc). For those things that my mom used baking soda and vinegar, I do as well. But for other things that could use them, I'm a little more hesitant. I never know how much to use, and I seem to go through an enormous amount of both baking soda and vinegar when I clean with them. Is this normal? I'd also like to make my own swiffer cloths, so that is my next research project.

Our FHE is today, and I'm not precisely certain what we will do. Since we've begun the FHE, we've gone grocery shopping, explored our new town, and made applesauce together. We planted half of our flower bulbs last night, so perhaps we can plant the rest today. I think today will end up being one of those days where we fly by the seat of our pants. Tune in next time to find out what our FHE activity actually was...

Good Times, and Not So Good Times

We had a lot of people come to the party last night. Over the course of 6 hours, 22 people came over, which is a lot for any of my parties. Everything started very well, and all was happy. One little event threw me off for the rest of the night, but I recovered fairly well by the end. This morning, however, I'm still heartbroken.

*Shimmery music and picture as flashback starts*
My dad has not spoken to his parents in about a year and a half. He says that they did things to him when he was younger (punishing him twice for things he had done, giving him no choice in how he lived his life while he was a child) and that they are nasty people (they can be very critical and hypocritical). They pushed him too far on Mother's Day in 2008 when he tried to bridge the gap, and they started complaining about him.
*End flashback*

I invited my grandparents because we still talk and get along, and because they had never seen my apartment when I lived there, so I figured they should see my house. I invited my dad because I wanted him there. When he saw my grandparents, he ran downstairs for a good 10-15 minutes. I went down to keep him company after a while, and he chided me for inviting both of them, and said he should have been told so that he wouldn't have come to the party. After they went outside, he left for the night. Subsequently, I went downstairs and cried for a good 5 minutes with *B* and my mom.

Here's my problem/question: Is it my job to arrange custody? What is he going to do at my wedding? The birth of my children? Christenings? Childrens' birthdays? My grandparents have a right to see their family, and I have very limited time to spend with just them.

How do I rectify this with my dad? Since he and my mom split, we've had a much better relationship. I was so hurt when he left yesterday. If I try to tell him this in person, he will dominate the conversation.

Beyond that, I reconnected with some friends I had in high school. It's good to have local friends again. We're planning on hanging out much more from now on. They even asked *B* to preside at their wedding. They got me up to speed about what's been going on in my ex's life. It's nice to know how he's doing.

We had a TON of food, though I was SO worried about how much food there'd be. We had everything from chili to crab dip and crab cakes to taco dips and more. A good time seemed to be had by the vast majority of those who came here.

At the end of the night, we lit a fire in this tiny, tiny fire pit we have. It was great to just sit around and talk. I loved it.

Today, I'm actually excited to write tons of thank you notes. That will be the second thing I do - right after I clean!

Party Time!

Tomorrow's the housewarming party! We've been super busy getting ready. I've made four batches of chili (the leftovers to be canned) and two batches of cornbread so far. My mom is making crab balls, crab dip, and cheese bread. My grandmother is making deviled eggs. *B* is bringing home a veggie platter and some desserts from work, and his mom is bringing brownies. I think that we'll have a good time. I'm a teensy bit worried that practically no one will show up, but such is life.

I volunteered to proctor the SATs tomorrow. It seemed like a good idea, at the time, to make $100 for four hours worth of work and have time to grade at one shot. But now, I'm worried I won't make it to my own party on time! But I promised, so I'll be there. Everything's just about ready here, so I'm not TOO worried.

Our cat, Wicket, loves to sit in the window. In the past, we've had large window sills that she can sit on. In our new house, our sills are tiny. Our chubby little cat fell through the window screen (on the first floor, thank God), right into our front garden. Thankfully, *B* was quick on his feet and grabbed her before she ran. But now we have to fix yet another window screen. Eventually, things will calm down here, just not in the foreseeable future.

We've decided that having a portable antenna is just too much of a hassle. We connected my old desktop computer to the TV, and we can watch shows using Hulu. Right now, we're watching the Back to the Future trilogy. It's comforting background noise, but doesn't suck you in like regular TV.

Ouch!

So I canned the rest of my applesauce tonight. *B* is sleeping upstairs, and I was pulling the top off of the pressure canner that I used for a water bath. The steam burned my arms, and I threw the very heavy top about 10 feet across the kitchen. I'm okay, but I will definitely have pot holders the next time I use that thing.

While waiting for the applesauce, I seeded two pomegranates. I LOVE pomegranates. The only problem is that if I eat it while peeling, it lasts longer than if I seed it first. Somehow, if I have seeds of two in tupperware, it takes much less time to eat the pomegranates. I might get more pomegranates the next time and try to freeze the seeds. I looked up how to can them, but I haven't found anything yet.

*B* has been absolutely amazing. He has done so much work around the house lately - the dishes, assembling/installing furniture, decorating. I'm really lucky to have him. I'm hoping that by Sunday, all will right itself and I don't have to stress so much anymore.

Canning Attempt #1 and the Distinct Sound of Glass

I decided that I was going to jump into canning with both feet using the applesauce I made yesterday. I brought my supplies up from downstairs. I recognize that it was my fault I put my jars in bags to get them from my mom's to my house. I also recognize that I was the one who put one of those bags on the edge of the couch. When my cat sniffed at the bag, I heard the distinct sound of glass hitting the floor. I broke a glass or two out of the bunch. But I went on to can the applesauce I had.

I canned 1 quart, 2 half quarts, and 3 little jars. When I first pulled them out of the water bath, one top was clicky, and the rest were hard. I've heard popping noises, and now they are all tight. I'm really hoping it works out well. I had picked up a box of lids from Wal-mart, but I didn't know if they'd fit, so I didn't get them. I have a third of a batch of applesauce that still needs to be canned now. I need to learn what the sizes are, which are wide mouth and which aren't, and inventory my stock of jars so that I can keep on keeping on.

For our third FHE, which was on our 1 year 11 month anniversary, *B* and I collected firewood to have a tiny fire at our party this weekend. We stopped at a place I see everyday on my commute where the trees are gorgeous. They are just starting to turn. I love my drive into and home from work every day now. It's a shame that the changing colors only last two weeks or so, but I think that it's the scarcity of their beauty that makes them so desired. I will definitely be taking my camera to work from now on, hoping to get some good shots in.

Domestic Bliss!

I have had such a great night tonight. *B* and I went to the Asian market, and got 16 pounds of apples at 59 cents a pound. We sat together on the couch, peeling and coring apples so that I could make applesauce. Halfway through, my peeler broke, so my amazing boyfriend ran straight out to get me a new one. Right now, we've got about a gallon and a half of homemade, preservative-free applesauce. Tomorrow, I'll be canning all of it for the first time in my life.

While making applesauce, I realized that I'm supposed to bring a cake for a co-worker's birthday tomorrow! So I start to make the cake only to realize that *B* used the last of the eggs making french toast the other morning. Again, he stepped up to the plate and ran out for eggs. I'm such a lucky girl. I'd really like to find out if I can powder or dehydrate eggs. I know that you can buy them, but they are SO expensive.

I'm getting worried about my time and my sleep. This weekend, I proctor the SATs and we have a party that we're throwing. Next weekend, I have class and an open house to attend for school. The weekend after, I have class again, and we have another party we're going to. Ren fest ends that same weekend. So for the next three weeks, I will be getting no sleep whatsoever. And being that it's after 12 AM, it seems like that trend doesn't change tonight. Goodnight, world.

Some Relief

I talked to everyone involved in this test debacle. Things seem to have calmed down. I'm still not thrilled about what happened, but, as they say, I won't remember this in five years.

Tonight, I made a really good tuna noodle casserole. It was very easy, and totally food storage friendly. Mine has tons of veggies:

Tuna Noodle Casserole
2 cups of pasta
2 cans of tuna
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1 cup of milk
1 can of peas
1/2 cup of shredded cheese
Salt and Pepper to taste

Cook the pasta. At the same time, mix the rest of the ingredients in a deep skillet. Drain the pasta, add it to the mixture, stir and serve. Yum!

What to Do?

I managed to hold it together for the last couple of days, but I have been insanely busy. Between the fall harvest days, the fall fest, and the couches yesterday, the stress from my reprimand, and the happenings today, I'm just about done. This morning I set to grading the tests from my physics kids. I hated it, but slogged through. We went to help my mom move the rest of her big furniture out of my dad's house. Out of the deal, we were to get a newer (but still used) fridge, not that we wouldn't have helped anyway. We got her stuff moved, fought and fussed, and, after many hours of hard work, put the fridge in the truck. Once we got it to our house, we realized that someone mismeasured - there is NO way that fridge will fit. So all of that work was for naught.

This subject I have to list for me:
Why My Life Sucks
- I'm tired
- I'm stressed
- I haven't had enough time to clean the house
- I'm not unpacked
- I haven't had time to relax
- My car has a bunch of problems with it
- I just realized I have school work that was due yesterday
- I am freaking out about this test issue
- I feel sick

Why My Life is Good
- I'm alive and healthy
- I have a great boyfriend
- I have loving and supportive family and friends
- I have a good job
- I have a house
- My brother did work (free of charge) on my car to make it run
- I can afford to put food on the table and in the pantry
- Class is canceled next weekend
- I have a three day weekend this upcoming weekend
- I live in a beautiful place

I need to find some way to calm down and let go of some of this tension. I'm actually afraid to go to work tomorrow. Is that healthy? All I can think of is calling in sick, but I know that eventually I will have to go. I will be praying for strength and renewal in the coming days.

Physically and Emotionally Drained

A follow up to my post on cupcakes - the kids loved them. On the other hand, one or more parents complained not to me, but to someone in administration about the test. Who doesn't have the decency to bring the problem up with the source? I was asked about it after school yesterday and was a little upset by my resource teacher freaking out about the parent issue. I got an email last night saying that I had to issue a written apology about the test to all parents whose children were affected. I would obviously NEVER allow a test that is essentially my fault to damage the record of my kids. And why couldn't they just talk to me?! It makes me so upset. Yesterday, I was no good. I just moped at home, went outside to clear my head, shed a few tears, then spaced out to a DVD.

I was excited for today. The fall harvest days are my favorite local events of the year. To top it off, my town was having a fall festival. So *B* and I walked to the local festival, but I had no money to buy anything and there's no ATM in town. We left there after *B* got stung in the mouth eating a sandwich. The bees were everywhere. So we went to the fall harvest day at the farm museum. I've been going as long as I can remember and even longer than that. It has been going downhill slowly, but now it's dying out at break neck speeds. The one thing I wanted more than anything in the world - an apple dumpling you can only get during this festival - was not there. The apple butter makers who are again only there once, were not there. Half of the vendors weren't there, and very few people were there. On the upside, we got some fudge, and some art for the office.

An artist's booth was set up, and we thumbed through the prints they had. Both the featured artists are very local. We found a print we loved, but we only had a combined amount four dollars less than the price at which it was listed. After talking to the very lovely gentleman who created it (who is my grandfather's age), he let us have it at our price. He even told us the story behind the place the picture captured (his place of birth).

After our exploits around town, we picked up some of our furniture from my dad's house. My brother's best friend's mother (that's a mouthful!) got rid of a rather large L-shaped sofa, and we took it off her hands. Once we had gotten it in a truck, with two trips, we had it set up in the living room. At first, I hated it, but I'm slowly getting used to it. I'm chalking it up to having a hard time letting go of the first couch I've ever had.

We picked up the antenna from my dad. This is not necessarily a bad thing. We only get 5 channels! We watch what we want, or it goes off. With five channels, there aren't many options. But I get my Sunday Morning back!

I'll post pics of our new place once I become comfortable with it. Maybe a few days. That being said, I'm exhausted, and won't get a full two days to rest in any form until next Sunday. I will be praying for strength in all forms.