Family Home Evening

As you may or may not remember, *B* and I wanted to try family home evening a while back. We picked a night, but more often than not, it would be like every other night. We don't really have TV, just Netflix, so we tended to spend a lot of time together. We stopped being purposeful about having that night together, but our relationship didn't suffer.

Now that Miss F has come along, we find ourselves spending much less quality time together. Many days I hand her off to him and work on house work I couldn't get done with her, or space out if it's been a rough day.

The one exception has been Wednesdays. On Wednesdays, we walk to the local library, then to the farmers' market. It's a nice time, but the farmers' market isn't open year round, and at some point it'll be too cold to walk. To complicate things, I plan on going back to my part time job in a couple of weeks, and *B* starts school again soon. So one evening a week is really going to be the most we get together.

My mom took Miss F for the night on Friday, and *B* and I got to have that quality time once again.  It was amazingly refreshing.  It really helped us solidify the fact that we need to be purposeful in our time together.  While Miss F is too young for family board games, we can try to come up with things that the three of us can do together.  For a little while during *B*'s paternity leave, I would listen to him read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to Miss F.  That might be our FHE until we can come up with a new plan for FHE with a wee one.

What did you do for FHE when the kids were little?

Another Form of Work

I've often heard it said that "marriage is hard work." While I'm not quite there, I've just recently come to understand what this means. I've always thought my relationship was good - we never fight, he does nice things for me, I try to do nice things for him. But I've realized that we've been living past each other. We are each in our own world for the duration of time that we're in the same place.

Obviously not us. Image from http://www.disaboomjobs.com/career-resources/working-from-home-telecommuting/how-to-get-hired-from-virtual-volunteering

This weekend, we worked really hard to change that. Last night, it seemed to come naturally again. It seems that letting your guard down, just for a few weeks or months, means that the great relationship you've formed slips away. And without regular tune-ups, it falls into disrepair.

It's for this reason that we're going to try FHEs again. Last semester, I was in school once a month on our FHE night, so it really threw things off. We just let it go. I'm going to try hard to come up with a schedule of things to do together in order to strengthen our relationship. I am hopeful between our FHE and the marriage sessions we'll be doing before we can get married in the church, we will set ourselves up with a stable foundation on which to build our lives.

Pumpkins

We carved our pumpkins tonight for our FHE. Once we finished, we cleaned the seeds and roasted them in the oven. Double duty! I'm excited, but nervous, to try them. I've never made my own before.

I've decided to take a break from classes in the spring. I've been going non-stop since January. I'm so worn out and sad. I'm worried that my anxiety meds (which double as depression meds) aren't working as well as they used to. I've found I have a very short emotional capacity. By my third class of the day (aka after 3 hours of teaching), I can barely stand to talk to anyone. I know that I'm sleeping better than when I was off the meds, but I'm not sure about the rest of my problems. Are they job related or neurochemical related? I'm tired of fighting the kids and the parents and the administration. I just got an email from a parent saying they're pulling their kid from my class. He failed my class because he wouldn't listen to a word I say, not necessarily because I'm a bad teacher. Why don't people understand this?

I really love the fall colors on my drive home. A nice quiet car ride through the country is a nice way to wind down before I get home. While I recognize that one of the reasons fall is so nice is that it's fleeting, I don't like the season that succeeds it. There was once an email I received called "Enough." I think it's appropriate, so I've copied it below:

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at a
regional airport. They had announced her departure and standing near the
security gate, they hugged and she said, "I love you. I wish you enough."
She in turn said, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love
is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and she left.
She walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could
see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she
welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it
would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the
reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.
"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I
ask what that means?"
She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other
generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."
She paused for a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, she
smiled even more.
"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a
life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," she continued. Then,
turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from
memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."
She then began to sob and walked away.

Rough Night Last Night

Yesterday was to be our FHE for the week. I had planned an activity while I was at school - we were going to research and decide on a CSA for the upcoming year.

I think I had my first panic attack instead.

My throat closed up, I was crying, I was choking, and I didn't want to be touched. I had no real reason for this. Sure, I had some stress yesterday (Praxis II test scheduling, running to grocery store after work, *B* being grumpy) but nothing too unusual. At a certain point, everything collapsed into this downward spiral. I ended up sleeping on the couch all night after *B* went to bed. It was really scary.

As for the Praxis II problem, I need to take tests to be certified. I am seeking a dual certification - math and physics. I took two of what I thought should be four tests two years ago. One of them, I found out, my state wouldn't accept because it wasn't THE correct test. Well, crap. So my certification is quickly approaching, and I decided yesterday to schedule the other three tests. I talked to my advisor, and scheduled the three tests ($290!). Not an hour after I scheduled them, she emailed me and said I only needed TWO of the tests. "My bad" she said. Grrr! Now I need to go through this lengthy refund process that I can only HOPE will give me a full refund on that test.

I'm also a little worried that I might be becoming a hoarder. While not in the A&E special kind of way, I can't seem to go to the grocery store without spending more than I usually do. I'm always getting something "on sale" to stock my pantry. Just because it's on sale doesn't mean that I HAVE to get it - even if it's at a good price. Canned veggies for 40 cents a can, yes I should get them. Corn bread mix at 5/$2 - I could probably live without. After all, I already have TWELVE boxes. Maybe I should schedule grocery trips and just not go any other time. I think I could live with that.

I Love Fall

During this long weekend, while dropping a friend off who stayed the weekend, *B* and I went looking for something that would allow us to open up space in our kitchen. We have very few cabinets, and I have quite a few appliances that I use fairly often. So, as always, we went to Ikea and drooled. When I was much younger, I got very upset with my mom for giving away her hutch. I loved that hutch! So I've found something, while not the same, very similar:
In a couple of weeks, we'll be able to afford it, and I'll have a place to store my good glasses up top, and my appliances down bottom. It matches our kitchen theme well, and I'm very excited.

While out, we also stopped by the Asian market again. While there were no pomegranates (*tear*), they did have more apples on sale. This time they were Macintosh rather than Gala. They make a good, but decidedly different applesauce. I only got through a good four pounds or so when I just broke down exhausted on Monday night.

On Monday, I invited both of my parents over for dinner. My dad was not agonizing over the party situation half as much as I was. I'm happy that I can put that behind me now. We had rosemary encrusted pork loin with root vegetables and homemade applesauce. Man, was that good. It was not the world's biggest pork loin, so we had no leftovers, and I'm really craving it again. I have another in the freezer, so that might be dinner sometime soon. I wish I had taken a picture of it.

This recipe, and many others, is going in my cookbook. I've started this cookbook because my mother never remembered the recipes that she cooked, she just added stuff by heart. Of course that's the joy of cooking, but it's hard for someone just starting out! I didn't want to lose any of the family recipes that I had worked hard to acquire. I'm up to 28 pages so far. I need to start taking pictures of the food that I cook whose recipes are in there so that I can make it look a little more professional. I tried taking pictures of my homemade tuna noodle helper a few days ago, but they did not turn out so well. There's just something about the lighting in my kitchen that make it gorgeous in person and not-so-gorgeous on film, err, memory card.

I love this time of year, but it makes me a little bit sad. I'm happy because the weather's just starting to turn, and the leaves are gorgeous colors. But I know that winter is coming, and I hate winter. It's because I'm short. That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense, but my pants often come close to skimming the ground. They don't touch, but they come close. In the winter, inexplicably, my pants always get soaked to about mid-calf for no reason at all. So, not only am I freezing cold, but I'm wet as well. Though I will say, I am always pleasantly overjoyed at those winter days when the sky is a gorgeous, clear blue. I see them as little treats to get me through the winter before the sunny days of spring.

I've been cleaning for days now, but I can't seem to keep on top of the rolling wave of household chores. I'm very interested in cleaning using natural products (baking soda, vinegar, etc). For those things that my mom used baking soda and vinegar, I do as well. But for other things that could use them, I'm a little more hesitant. I never know how much to use, and I seem to go through an enormous amount of both baking soda and vinegar when I clean with them. Is this normal? I'd also like to make my own swiffer cloths, so that is my next research project.

Our FHE is today, and I'm not precisely certain what we will do. Since we've begun the FHE, we've gone grocery shopping, explored our new town, and made applesauce together. We planted half of our flower bulbs last night, so perhaps we can plant the rest today. I think today will end up being one of those days where we fly by the seat of our pants. Tune in next time to find out what our FHE activity actually was...

Canning Attempt #1 and the Distinct Sound of Glass

I decided that I was going to jump into canning with both feet using the applesauce I made yesterday. I brought my supplies up from downstairs. I recognize that it was my fault I put my jars in bags to get them from my mom's to my house. I also recognize that I was the one who put one of those bags on the edge of the couch. When my cat sniffed at the bag, I heard the distinct sound of glass hitting the floor. I broke a glass or two out of the bunch. But I went on to can the applesauce I had.

I canned 1 quart, 2 half quarts, and 3 little jars. When I first pulled them out of the water bath, one top was clicky, and the rest were hard. I've heard popping noises, and now they are all tight. I'm really hoping it works out well. I had picked up a box of lids from Wal-mart, but I didn't know if they'd fit, so I didn't get them. I have a third of a batch of applesauce that still needs to be canned now. I need to learn what the sizes are, which are wide mouth and which aren't, and inventory my stock of jars so that I can keep on keeping on.

For our third FHE, which was on our 1 year 11 month anniversary, *B* and I collected firewood to have a tiny fire at our party this weekend. We stopped at a place I see everyday on my commute where the trees are gorgeous. They are just starting to turn. I love my drive into and home from work every day now. It's a shame that the changing colors only last two weeks or so, but I think that it's the scarcity of their beauty that makes them so desired. I will definitely be taking my camera to work from now on, hoping to get some good shots in.

Mmmm, cupcakes!

I made my cupcakes for my physics kids. They loved them! And so did my coworkers who took the leftovers :o) My recipe:

Triple White Chocolate Cupcakes
Cupcake
White cake mix
Three egg whites
Oil
Water
Instant white chocolate pudding
White chocolate chips

Icing
Butter
Powdered sugar
Vanilla
White chocolate chips (chopped)

When I make bigger cupcakes (muffins), I make liquid white chocolate and fill the cupcakes. Ohh so delicious!

I think I've decided I'm permanently giving up TV. On hulu, we can watch any cartoons we want if we get a hankering. We have tons of DVDs for our moving viewing pleasure. I think that having to work to find entertainment really prevents the mindless droning that usually takes place when I get home from work.

Tonight, for our second FHE, we ended up exploring our new town by going to the farmer's market and the library together. At the farmer's market, we bought some fresh squash. But the most interesting thing was the CSA opportunity. It has prompted me to research all the CSAs in the area. Since we don't have a whole lot of land, it would be a good idea to support our local farmers until we can start homesteading ourselves. We would learn to eat new foods, and we would can everything we possibly can. At the library, I picked up books on canning and the like. At the asian market, produce prices are ridiculously low, so I'm going to stock up on fruits and can them myself. It'll be my first attempt!

We also built our pantry last weekend. I love it so very much. I have already stocked it up!

I'll be putting flour and sugar in gamma buckets as soon as I can afford it. One thing I'm curious about is that I read BYU found pasta to have a shelf life of 30 years, but the box has a 1 year expiration date on it. Where does this discrepancy come from? Who's right?

*B* actually applied for school on his own! Now we wait and pray...

So Productive

I have been so productive today. Things I've done:

1. Got my car fixed
2. Made a feast for lunch
3. Went to the grocery store
4. Baked white bread
5. Baked pumpkin loaves
6. Unpacked most of the kitchen
7. Did at least four loads of dishes

My car has been shaking very badly at high speeds lately. I had gotten the tires balanced, but it didn't fix the problem. So I took it to Mr. Tire, and they told me they were the worst axles they've ever seen. I had to get both front axles replaced. They had a huge list of other things that needed to be fixed, but my brother has agreed to do them next weekend for much less (i.e. food).

Martin's still had a great sale on, so I went back and stocked up a little more for our pantry. I've been so inspired by the blog at www.theprudenthomemaker.com. I am stocking my pantry at high speed, because once our mortgage starts, I don't precisely know what our food budget will be. Make hay while the sun shines and remember the Ant and the Grasshopper, right?

Once I stocked up on flour, I just had to use the breadmaker again for the first time in a long time. I made white bread this time just because I've never made it before. Once I get wheat flour, I will make half and half and plain wheat bread.

Making bread in the breadmaker inspired me to make a treat for *B* for breakfast. To provide for us, he gets up at 2:40 am to go to work by 4 am. He can't get a job in his field (he got two BS degrees in May), so he works the early morning shift at Costco to pay the bills. So for his breakfast, I made gorgeous pumpkin loaves with pumpkin seeds on top, just like you'd find at Starbucks. I'm so proud:


I've found that it is so much easier to live a relaxed, productive life without television. I listened to NPR while working this morning, and I've had movies on in the background this evening. We decided not to get cable, and we do not yet have any antenae for our TVs to pull public signals. I think I actually like it that way.

*B* and I decided our FHE will be on Wednesdays. I think that this Wednesday, we'll figure out our finances, and make dinner together. I'm still a little shaky on how FHEs work without kids, and before marriage, but I know that's mostly because we're not a "real family" yet. But we act like a family, so that's how I'm going to view us. Hopefully, some day soon I'll be able to say with all certainty that we are.

I'd really like to do something nice for *B*. He has put up with a lot of me freaking out about living situations, voluntarily taken on a 45 minute commute, and done a lot of work to get us moved into a house. I'm not quite sure what to do for him. His birthday and our anniversary are coming up in a little over a month. All of the gift ideas I have for him don't seem to convey the right message. He's only mentioned wanting things like CDs, computer games, and t-shirts. What does one get/do for a guy when you want him to feel appreciated?