Sadness for Dasha

Dasha, our Roborovski hamster, was found to have left this world yesterday. We buried her near the homestead pet cemetery beside some grape vines in a simple service. While she was very independent, she was a good hamster. She will be missed.

Today has been a grumpy day. Short of being totally alone, I was absolutely mopey. I know it has to do with the idea of staying in someone else's house for another 2+ weeks. Don't get me wrong - I'm really grateful. But I'm also really sick of it.

One Book Finished, Back to Daydreaming

I finished The Shack. It was a fantastic book. I loved it so much that it will probably end up being a re-read.

I want to move into my house so bad. I was looking at Facebook pictures of someone who graduated high school a year before me. She just had her first son. Everyone and everything in those pictures looks so clean and happy. The family looks like everyone gets along so well. I want a life like that. My family can be so dysfunctional.

What I Want:
A place where I can be by myself
A garden
Cleanly painted and decorated rooms
Someone to coo over
To feel clean and light

What I Need:
To remember that I am fortunate
To remember that I love and am loved
To be more grateful for what I have
To remember nothing is ever as it seems

Wowie Wicket!

While I was gone, an amazing transformation has taken place. My cat is sweet! She isn't bothering the other animals, she's giving me love and attention, she walks around the whole house. It's amazing considering how angry she was when we first got here.

We roughly have 17 days or so until we move into the house. I'm really hopeful that everything will work out. I've been trying to clean here as much as I can so that I can pull my weight around here. While it's been fairly easy to keep the kitchen clean, I can't find a vacuum, so I can't clean the living room like I wanted. I think it'd be really awesome if I could get a couch slip cover as a present for letting us stay here.

I'd really like to start making food gifts for people. I like the veggie breads where you layer the dry ingredients in a mason jar. The hard part for veggie breads is that the most time consuming step - grating the veggies - can't be done ahead of time. I think I'll make cookie jars, hot chocolate mixes, and breads. It might be nice to make herb mixes, too.

I'm a little bit slower on my reading of The Shack than I thought I'd be, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm really trying to take in the lessons this book is presenting. My favorite passage so far has to do with the garden. In this passage, Mack and Sarayu walk to a garden behind the shack. It is a mess and chaotic, but also pretty. Together, they clear out a section of the garden. Then, they dig up poisonous roots that corrupt the ground. It is made apparent that the garden is, in fact, Mack's soul.

I like the idea of the soul as a garden. I intend to meditate on this, visualizing the removal of poisonous roots for the growth of beautiful plants. Everyone has poisonous roots in their hearts, eating at them and preventing the growth of truth and beauty. My roots are centered around judgment, arrogance, insecurity, anxiety, and fear. In the coming weeks, I will work especially hard to rid myself of these poisons.

A Relaxing Trip and Some Itchy Housemates

I just got back from a really relaxing trip to Florida. I went to a conference down in St. Petersburg. I learned a lot, and I got some great beach time. It was so peaceful. The water was green and so warm. I really swam twice, and got to the beach every day. The food was awesome, too.

The thing I'm most pleased about is that I read TWO whole books on my trip: You or Someone Like You by Chandler Burr and Serena by Ron Rash. YOSLY was great, better than I expected. Serena was good, but I didn't love it like I thought it would. On the recommendation of another teacher on the trip, I bought The Shack by William Young. So far, it's fantastic. I'm hoping to finish it tonight or tomorrow.

As I'm writing this post, I'm itching like crazy. We're petsitting someone's dog, and she brought fleas with her! They're driving me NUTS!!!!! So much for my relaxation time...

Not Again!

As alluded to earlier, *B* and I are buying a house together. We have talked about how we're going to get engaged when we can afford it. I really don't want to be too anxious and pushy about it. He was the one who brought it up. But we have these times where we talk about it all the time, and times when we don't talk about it at all. One thing we determined was that he'd ask my dad far in advance because a) my dad was looking forward to being asked and b) I didn't anyone to know before I did. Today, he mentioned talking to my dad soon. Now I'm anxious again! I know it's because I want to be engaged to him, not just because I want to be engaged. I had just made it to the point where I wasn't thinking/obsessing over it so much. I want to be at the stage where I've stopped thinking about it and don't expect it. But now I'm starting over again! Ugh, I'm babbling...

Planning for Tomorrow

Tomorrow, if the weather is good, I'm going on a surprise trip to Cunningham Falls or DC. The weather is supposed to be much cooler at the Falls, but there's a chance of rain in both places around 3 pm. I haven't decided which I'm going to do. Either way, it's going to be a fun day.

Today, we opened a joint checking account for the house. Though we talked about it, it seemed like it was no big deal just to go out and make such a big financial commitment. I'm really worn out on the whole house idea. We went to Ikea today, and I had no more energy to dream about what it'll be like. We can't buy furniture now, and won't be able to afford it after we get the house.

Above all, I can't wait until I can have flat, sturdy surfaces on which I can eat and work. For the past two years, I haven't had a kitchen table. For the past month, I have been without a desk. For the next month, I'll be without that and without a real mattress. It will be a test of strength of mind (and to some extent body) as I give up those things that I've taken for granted before. The first things that are going into the house are the bed, the couch, the kitchen table, and the desks. Even if nothing else makes it in the house, I would be happy.

One Era Over, A New One Begins

Yesterday, we moved out of the apartment. We got out just before five o'clock. It was so empty by the time we were done. It hasn't really set in that we'll never go back there. Last night, we slept on two air mattresses with our stuff piled all around. We're really lucky that we have loving and generous people to stay with. I plan on helping around the house as much as possible. Today, I made zucchini bread with the last of my zucchini. Before I go to bed I'm going to clean up around the house. Everybody in the house is a morning person, so I'm the only one up even though it's just after 10pm.

I mapped out my summer schedule during class today, and it appears that after my last class finishes up (July 16th), I am totally done until we go to Arizona. I go to Florida on Tuesday (woo hoo!). I leave Tuesday and get back on Friday. It will be both educational and fun.

Wicket is not a happy camper. She does not get along well with other animals, and has made that very clear. She refuses to come out of the bathroom. When she does venture out, she hisses and growls at everyone. I'm hopeful that through the course of the month we're here, she might become a little more tolerant of other animals and other people.