Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Sheer Exhaustion

I've almost hit the wall.  I'm so very tired.  In order to pay for the wedding, I'm working extra time.  I go to school 7:30-3:30.  Then twice a week, I work at a learning center sort of like Sylvan.  Beyond that, my whole weekend is taken up (besides working) with wedding obligations, family obligations, and renn fest.  Yes, they should be happy things, but really they're too much.

On top of all of this, my mom is chiding me for not losing more weight for the wedding.  I understand why she does it, but it's more stress than I need right now.  I have a really hard time losing weight, but I don't have energy to go to the gym.  I tend to get home and eat whatever I can scrounge up, which is never very healthy.  I really don't know how to fix it.  For a while I had resigned myself to this is how I am, but now that my mom's been pushing again, my anxiety has wound itself back up.

Though I had been doing so well on my housekeeping, it's all gone by the wayside.  There are dishes in the sink, papers on the floor, and laundry waiting to be done.  For a while, I at least had the bed made every morning.  Now the bed is sitting all messed up.

Last night, though, I didn't even go to bed.  I slept on the couch.  I don't know why, I just did not want to go up to bed.  No matter what I did, I could not be happy.  I've definitely had a backslide on the therapy-free road.  I'm going to try to tough it out a bit before I go running back.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you are going through a hard patch. Remember that it is temporary. Preparing for a wedding is very hard work. It is admirable that you are working to pay for the extras. Being willing to be your own true authentic self is a great gift.