Sunday, July 5, 2009

At the Risk of Sounding Whiney...

I'm really unhappy today. I mean I'm really, really unhappy. It all started when...

I woke up this morning a little grumpy because it was early and I had a late night. Despite all the bug bites up and down my legs, I was good. On the way to my mom's, I even sang a little bit with my radio. I got to Mom's and played with her kitten, Shadow. And off we went to church.

Church. Was. TERRIBLE! The priest barely spoke English. The entire congregation was like a droning mob. There were no insights into how to live one's life. It was, without a doubt, not where I wanted to be. And just like when I was a kid, I got annoyed when my mom enjoyed it. I don't know why, but I did. I was a grouch, but I got through it.

We went to breakfast at Denny's, and I mellowed out after a little while. We had a normal breakfast, and went over to Wal-mart. I was much happier then, and I even picked up some more supplies for my kits.

I played some more with Mom's kitten, then went over to Dad's. I had an alright - even good - time, and got a look at some of the furniture that we are generously receiving when we move. I swung by, picked up some ice cream and food for *B* and his family, and came back "home."

When I got home though, crap hit the fan. I was just hugely grouchy and really didn't want to be around anyone, least of all *B*. He didn't do anything wrong. He's being his normal self. I just wasn't having any of it. I know the catalyst was the awesome post on about how she met her husband the other night.

Here's what I want to know - why am I so worked up about having kids already? Why do I love reading about other people's lives so much? How can I satiate this creative need I have inside when I'm not a creative person? How can I get over the last 10 days in such close quarters with everyone? What am I going to do if the house doesn't go through in time?

Even as I type, I feel constricted and choked. I feel guilty that I want to be alone so much. I can't stop thinking about how nice it was in Florida, and I don't mean the weather.

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