Sunday, February 14, 2010

Ups and Downs

Today has been one heck of an emotional roller coaster. I've gone from complete elation (see post below) to some pretty nasty self doubts. Though I don't wish to whine publicly, it really bothers me. While I'm absolutely 100% positive that *B* is the best person out there, I find myself doubting my contributions to the relationship. I feel like I take more than I give though I try very hard to do well by him. Don't get me wrong, it's not his fault I feel this way. It's who I am. But I'm trying very hard to figure how to get over this by either a) doing more than I do already or b) getting over it. I tried cleaning the house spotlessly. That worked for a grand total of one day. But then I forgot to turn his computer off and then forgot to grab his pants from the dryer (one of the few favors he's asked of me). And then I fell asleep on the couch for a trifecta of bad fiancee behavior in one night. On top of this, my physical condition is not the best its ever been given my recent injuries and illness. Why would someone so awesome like him choose to marry someone so flawed and broken as I am?


  1. Because everyone is flawed and broken and entitled to a little forgetfulness from time to time. He chose you because you are beautiful, caring, funny, smart, an amazing cook and organizer. I could go on and on. Everyone feels this way about their relationships from time to time. He is lucky to have you and he knows it! He is an amazing guy but he isn't perfect either. Don't let your past abusive relationship steer you down this path babe. *B* is not ANYTHING like him and I'm sure if he knew how you were feeling he would help do all he could to fix it. You just have to look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are a beautiful woman and that you are doing all you can to be the best you can be. That's all anyone could ever ask for.

    On a happier note I got my return and am looking into plane tix. June 15-22 sound good to you??? I need a week of wedding extravaganza!!!!

  2. Take a deep, deep breath. No one is perfect and (I assume) "B" isn't asking you to be perfect either (if he was I would say "run away fast!"). He knows you, knows your flaws and picked you despite that. Just try to be the best you can be and don't worry so much about the rest.

  3. Casey - I'll call you about that one as soon as I make sure that school won't be pushed back because of the blizzards.

    Aimee - That is the worst part of my craziness - the better he is about it, the more I feel I have to make up for it! I'm learning to take it in stride though and do nice things when I can. That and telling *B* when I'm having problems seems to help out quite a bit.